Breaking Up Amicably: the Benefits of Compassionate Divorce

Divorce is a word that's rife with emotion and can conjure up images of hostility, lengthy court battles, and broken relationships.

And for many of us, this term describes a process that involves an unbearable amount of pain, frustration, and financial strain.

One of the main reasons for this is that typically, divorce has been synonymous with an adversarial approach, which involves prolonged courtroom dramas, where each party hires attorneys, battles over assets and custody, and may ultimately need a judge to decide their fate.

That being said, while there are situations where this form of divorce is necessary, the adversarial nature of this process can lead to financial ruin and a trail of emotional scars, especially when children are involved.

But in recent years, and in California in particular, a different paradigm has been emerging, which puts a much greater emphasis on other methods, such as mediation.

These alternative dispute-resolution methods encourage collaboration, communication, and compromise, and have the power to turn a potentially devastating life transition into an opportunity for growth, understanding, and healing.

This paradigm shift has been overwhelmingly positive for divorcing/separating couples and their families, but we've gone several steps further by creating a mediation protocol that puts an even greater emphasis on mental health and post-separation relationships before either party has even begun the legal process.

Our protocol is called Compassionate Divorce, and its aim is to ensure that everyone involved can get the most out of the mediation process while mitigating the impact that these events may be having on their mental health and relationships.

So, if you're looking for alternatives to the adversarial approach to divorce, trying to protect your mental health and relationships during divorce, or just wondering what Compassionate Divorce is, then you're going to want to keep reading.

Because in this article, we're going to explain what Compassionate Divorce is and explore the many benefits of this method, so you can understand how our protocol differs from other forms of mediation, and why this might be the best approach for you and your family.

What is Compassionate Divorce?

In the traditional two-attorney practice of divorce, the separating partners go off into their silos and develop strategies to win and get the most they can for their client, often at the expense of the other party.

Mediation, on the other hand, brings both people together in the same room with a neutral professional, which from the start represents an attempt to work things out in a different manner.

Compassionate Divorce is a mediation protocol that's focused on protecting mental health and relationships during divorce, which allows us to show respect and compassion for how traumatic these events can be, while also ensuring that the mediation process is as amicable, efficient, and productive as possible.

This protocol was developed by attorney Joann Campoy and psychologist Jeff Kahn, Ph.D., who combine their expertise in both the legal and psychological realms of divorce and work collaboratively to bring kindness and compassion to the mediation process and help divorcing partners and their families to co-create the best possible outcomes.

To be fair, we're not the only service to be based on a team that includes both a psychologist and an attorney, and there are other forms of divorce mediation, which are somewhat similar to what we do, like Collaborative Divorce and Integrative Mediation. However, with Compassionate Divorce you have one team that works together with you and your family to create the best possible outcomes for everyone involved.

But what makes our approach truly unique is that Jeff will immediately begin working with you and your family, as soon as you've signed up, and before the mediation process has even begun.

Before entering the mediation room, he'll meet with you and your partner individually, followed by a meeting with both of you within the first two weeks, and will even meet with your children, as well, if need be.

These appointments take place prior to the first mediation session with both Joann and Jeff, and they inform the initial discussion that takes place during this four-way mediation.

Joann and Jeff chose to create Compassionate Divorce based on the understanding that most divorcing people and their families are in a state of crisis.

With this in mind, our initial triage intervention entails getting to know you and every member of your family as individuals, while gaining an understanding of the interpersonal dynamics between you which led to the divorce and may interfere with your ability to constructively engage in mediation.

The purpose of this intervention is to:

●Stabilize the family system

●Direct you to additional resources, such as counseling, etc.

●Help you and your family make decisions in a more effective manner

●Establish temporary agreements regarding taking care of children, living arrangements, financial arrangements, and any other practical matters

Regardless of why you're getting divorced, agreement is the currency of mediation, and so the sooner we can facilitate you and your partner speaking with one another and making decisions together, the better our chances are of helping you resolve your divorce or separation in an efficient, cost-effective manner.

We do this by offering you and your partner the opportunity to work together to create a positive new narrative for the direction of your family, without taking sides, while lessening the likelihood that you'll retreat into your own narratives of hurt, anger, blame, victimhood, and revenge.

What are the Benefits of Compassionate Divorce?

Our approach to mediation can help you reach an amicable resolution to your divorce more quickly, inexpensively, and compassionately.

Compassionate Divorce offers a method that's perfect for people who value their relationship with their family and want things to remain amicable, and it's particularly appropriate for people who have kids and want to spare them the suffering that divorce can cause.

That being said, this approach certainly isn't for everyone, and it's not appropriate for every situation, but it does provide benefits for those who have this perspective and want to achieve this goal.

So, with that in mind, let's take a look at the benefits of Compassionate Divorce, so you can decide whether this method is right for you and your family.

Mental-Health Centric Approach

Central to this protocol is the prioritization of mental health.

Divorce, in many cases, leads to emotional trauma and upheaval for all parties involved, including children. Traditional litigation can exacerbate these emotional wounds, often leaving families scarred for years to come.

In contrast, our approach aims to foster a supportive and empathetic environment, where the mental health of everyone is considered a paramount concern.

Legal and Psychological Expertise

Compassionate Divorce is founded on the belief that the dissolution of a marriage is not just a legal matter but also a deeply emotional one.

By combining the legal expertise of one attorney working for both parties with the psychological insights of a trained psychologist, this approach creates a dynamic team capable of addressing both the practical and emotional facets of divorce.

Enhanced Communication

Jeff and Joann keep the focus on productive problem solving in a safe environment, and the presence of a psychologist can facilitate open and productive communication between spouses, helping them express their feelings and concerns in a non-confrontational manner.

Plus, with all the work that's done before the mediation process even begins, all parties are coming to the table with greater compassion, and a better understanding of the needs, wants, and motivations of everyone involved.

Conflict Resolution

With a psychologist's guidance, couples can explore the underlying causes of their conflicts, making it easier to find mutually acceptable solutions and create a better understanding of their own roles when it comes to conflict.

This helps reduce future conflicts and provides valuable tools for the future in new relationships and co-parenting relationships that last beyond the separation.

As a result, the process of divorce can be made much less stressful, and you can also save time and money, while making it more likely that you'll come to an agreement that benefits all parties.

What's more, we are not simply confined to the laws and can explore creative agreements that better serve the needs of your family.

Child-Cenrered Agreements

Compassionate Divorce prioritizes not just the mental health and emotional well-being of divorcing couples, but also that of their children.

As a result, our approach can help you create custody and visitation arrangements that are in the best interests of your kids.

Jeff can also help you to understand how to discuss the divorce with your children and support them in an age-appropriate fashion while giving you valuable insights of what to expect from your children, along with what to recognize and what to avoid.

Over the years, Jeff has built many relationships with mental health professionals and can provide referrals if you or your children require more mental health support during and/or after the mediation process.

Emotional Support

Having a psychologist at the table during the entire process provides emotional support and coping strategies for both spouses, along with any children involved, helping everyone to better navigate the rollercoaster of emotions that accompanies divorce.

Reduced Litigation

By addressing emotional needs and fostering cooperation, Compassionate Divorce often results in fewer disputes and a reduced need for costly and time-consuming litigation.

We streamline what can otherwise be a lengthy legal process because we spend every moment of our time together focusing on the unique needs of your family. We're also able to guide families through this process more quickly and easily, helping our clients to save thousands of dollars in fees.

Long-Term Healing

By focusing on the mental health and relationship aspects of divorce, we hope to facilitate healing and personal growth, allowing you and your family to move forward with your lives in a healthier and more positive way.

Are you trying to find the best protocol for divorce mediation in California?

Contact us today to find out if Compassionate Divorce is right for you.