Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is Compassionate Divorce™ a type of therapy?
No, Compassionate Divorce™ is a form of mediation. Although an experienced mental health professional is part of your team and will be offering psychological insights and support, his function is as a mediator. If the psychologist feels additional mental health services are warranted, a suggestion, discussion and referral to appropriate professionals will be offered.
2. Do my spouse/partner and I have to have decided on getting a divorce before engaging with Compassionate Divorce™?
No. We recognize that some couples may not have decided to divorce but wish to separate and create agreements on how that will work for the family. It may be helpful to meet with us for an initial session to explore the options available to you to create a separation agreement while you consider your future together.
3. My friend went through a divorce and s/he says…
Everyone knows someone who has gone through the process of separating. More than half of our population has gone through a divorce. Often friends and family want to help by giving you information and advice with the best of intentions.
Family Law is an area of law that focuses on the facts of each case. Since every family is unique, the outcome may be different for you than your friends. Even though friends and family mean well, their information may create fears or expectations that do not apply to your family situation. The best part in this process is that YOU control the outcome.
4. What if my spouse/partner refuses to reach agreements?
Compassionate Divorce™ is for couples who are committed to working hard with the support of the team to address difficult issues. You must be willing to compromise and take personal responsibility for the positive outcome this process offers. If your partner or spouse is not motivated, this model may not be the right fit for you.
5. What if I do not feel comfortable speaking my mind in the presence of my spouse or partner?
If there has been domestic violence between you and your spouse or partner, Compassionate Divorce™ is likely not a good model for your family. However, it is not uncommon for couples to have an unequal power dynamic between them.
Compassionate Divorce™ requires full participation by both parties. We help the more aggressive party listen and encourage the more passive party to get engaged and express their views. By leveling the playing field, we make it possible for them to communicate respectfully and work together to achieve the positive outcomes you desire. The combination of our expertise will support the unique needs of your family.
6. How old does a child have to be to choose which parent they want to live with?
If a child is age 14 or older and wishes to have a court consider their wishes, the court must hear from the child or make specific findings as to why that would not be appropriate. This does not mean the child chooses.
In our Compassionate Divorce™ model, we have a highly skilled psychologist who can have developmentally appropriate conversations with children of all ages to not only determine the child’s wishes, but also to address the fears and concerns they have so the child will thrive with both parents.
7. Is there a legal advantage to being a Petitioner (the one who files initially) or the Respondent (the party who responds to the initial filing)?
No. There is no difference in your legal rights if you are a Petitioner or Respondent.
8. Why is Compassionate Divorce™ often less costly than other mediation models?
Traditional divorce and separation models do not usually focus on the psychological issues that can impact all members of the family and interfere with the ability of one or both parties to engage in productive problem solving to reach the best possible outcome with the least amount of conflict and cost.
Some models have two teams working with both parties. Others may have two attorneys working with a mediator as well as various mental health professionals. Clients pay multiple professionals by the hour, including experts, which drives up the cost for the family during a time where most people are already experiencing financial hardship as a result of the separation.
With Compassionate Divorce™ you will have one team working for both parties. This cuts the costs substantially by having one team working with the entire family. If we require experts, we will hire one and get neutral information you can rely on, avoiding the “battle of the experts” which can be extremely costly.
9. Why does Compassionate Divorce™ require the help of a psychologist?
Having a psychologist involved from the beginning creates the support needed to avoid emotional pitfalls that often cause mediation to fail after spending thousands of dollars. Jeff will offer you valuable insights and tools to keep our work together productive.
Jeff may meet with your children to provide both parties with important and accurate assessments of how your children are doing, what their concerns and fears may be. You will receive the benefit of his experience working with separating families and creating co-parenting agreements that allow your children to thrive after separation.
This approach supports informed parenting decisions and reduces conflict between the parents while supporting all of the family members affected by this major life event.
10. Can information or documents from the Compassionate Divorce™ process be disclosed to others or the Court, if we fail to reach a settlement?
No. Compassionate Divorce™ is an innovative form of mediation protected by Evidence Code section 1119 which protects all writings prepared during mediation, communications, settlement discussions, negotiations or any admission made for the purpose of or during the course of a mediation or consultation. Our work together is confidential. The disclosure of any of this information cannot be compelled or considered in any other process, including litigation so you are free to engage honestly in working together to create successful agreements.
11. How long will it take to complete our separation or divorce?
It all depends on you and your partner’s ability to reach agreements. We will support you in this. We must also complete and exchange disclosure documents required by the Family Code to ensure the agreements are based on full disclosure.
The Family Code provides the earliest date to terminate marital status is six months and one day from the date the Respondent is served with the Petition. We must also complete and exchange disclosure documents required by the Family Code to ensure that all agreements are based on full disclosure between the parties. It is entirely possible to complete this process and submit a formal agreement for Judgment within the six month period, and often times before to conclude your proceedings. While you will not be restored to a single person until the six month and one day period tolls, your separation will be completed with an agreement created by you.
12. How do we get started with Compassionate Divorce™?
Review our Questionnaire to determine whether Compassionate Divorce™ is a good fit for you. If it feels like a good fit to you, call Chelsea Fletcher at (707) 525-5778 to answer your questions and help you get started. The cost of your initial consultation with us is $600.
