How and Why We Created Compassionate DivorceTM
After practicing Family Law in Sonoma County for 22 years, I knew there could be something better that could avoid some of the conflict that separation often triggers within the family. I have seen the financial, emotional and physical damage this process can cause to all family members. I have spent years in the litigation process as well as all forms of mediation and am also familiar with other models.
I have worked with clients who tried and failed in these other models after spending thousands of dollars. I asked and listened to their comments and took the parts of these other models that seemed to work well to create our "one team for the entire family" approach, which makes Compassionate Divorce™ a unique and innovative mediation model that saves money.
How our team naturally came together
I have had the privilege over the years of working with many mental health professionals, referred to as court-involved therapists. These therapists possess particular training and expertise in working with separating families who are involved in the court system.
Attorneys or the court will request and even order assistance and involvement from these professionals as the process unfolds. The court process is slow and adversarial in nature. The judge does not know your family but will impose decisions that affect every aspect of your life.
By the time a mental health professional is appointed or requested to work with a family, there may already be a high level of dysfunction and conflict that could have been avoided if a mental health professional was involved from the beginning of the process.
Why psychologist Jeffrey Kahn Ph.D. plays an invaluable role in Compassionate Divorce™
Jeff has worked in every aspect of divorcing families, and I have admired his work and approach throughout my career. He has been a child custody evaluator, serving as a court appointed expert to provide recommendations to the judge.
He has worked with individual children and parents as well as providing co-parent counseling. His commitment, insight and sensitivity during our work together left a lasting impression on me. He was the obvious choice for Compassionate Divorce™! I was thrilled that he agreed to help develop this unique mediation model with me, and he has provided invaluable insight.
We don't approach separation as a failure, we treat it as a major life event that affects all members of the family
We help our clients to keep the focus on productive conversations to reach a mutually acceptable separation agreement. We do this by helping our clients focus on what is happening for them, instead of trying to control, blame or manipulate the other person or "win" the process. This helps our clients take responsibility for their own feelings and actions instead of blaming the other party.
As a result, they are supported to approach this process from a "wise mind," rather than an "emotional mind" perspective. The intended outcome is an agreement that is fair and created by both parties. This much healthier, less adversarial process can preserve the well-being of the entire family long past the separation. When both parties take responsibility for their own part in our process they are empowered to maintain control of the outcome without attacking the other party. This opens up possibilities for both parties to have their needs met.
Achieving the positive outcomes both partners and their children and family want
At our very first meeting, we ask clients what is important to them and what outcomes they desire, and we continue to work towards those goals throughout the entire process.Because we have one team for the family (attorney and psychologist) our clients save money.
We do not have two teams for each party, which can contribute to the adversarial nature of legal proceedings ("us against them" dynamic), not to mention the high cost of paying multiple professionals. You will never step foot in the courtroom. Joann Campoy, the attorney, takes care of all of the legal aspects and will make sure you end with a complete, legally binding agreement you both create.
We address the divorce process as a whole which makes it easier to arrive at settlements that both parties agree on
Because our process considers not only the legal aspects of separation but the psychological aspects as well, we address the divorce process as a whole and help guide our clients to the outcome they desire, while avoiding the emotional pitfalls that often can derail productive discussions and lead to litigation.
Your agreements will be based on neutral information both parties can rely upon, including insight into your children's needs and desires and co-parenting agreements that allow the entire family to thrive post separation. If we need experts, we retain them jointly so again, you can rely on the information you are provided to make informed agreements. This again, keeps the costs down.
If you would like to know more about Compassionate Divorce™, give us a call us at 707-525-5778.
